Love.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

maybe im asking to0 much... ♥ 11:41 PM

its always the same feeling...
once u don't get to see each other...
not even able to speak about us at all...

don't know about other people...
but for me...
maybe just a little attention...

or maybe i'm asking for to0 much...
ya...maybe i am...
should concentrate on my work instead...

small matter...better just leave it alone...
& ya...he wont be able to read this post...
like...maybe for another month or so...

so0 am not worried to blurt out anything here...
well...just for now...
yeah...:)

ssshhh...HEHEHEHE...
am trying my best to concentrate on my research...
well...am suppose to do it NOW...

no one seems to have time to tell me about...
ABP...CVP...CPAP...BIPAP...
my checklist is driving me CRAZZIE!!

am just lo0king for the answers on the webby...
hopefully its correct...
like we AN don't learn this kinda stuff right?

haiz...yet me & fiza are struggling...
to learn all these...
by 3 months? hah...right...

theory is where im not good at...
that's why i went ITE...
remember...? well...in my case that's the reason...

that's my weakest point...
i have the tendency to wonder around...
like NOW...research! research!

hmm...tralalalala...
can i just give my checklist with whatever nonsense...
that i have inside...now...please...

its really troubling me...
ohh...troubling me so0 much...
my mind is not at ease to see the paper half empty...

or izzit half full...
arghh...
watever...

thinking about my future career...
well...NOT NOW...
can i just live on my own...

of coz with my family...
but just surviving alone...
its easy to say...but...omg!

i have no idea what im talking right now...
well..no one cares right...
thanx!

NG is so0 not in the mood...
no no no....not in the mood...
can i for once just travel to some place alone...

to paris...
to london...
to wherever...

*dreaming*
snap back to reality...
ok...im back...

never thought life is like this...?
hmm... i love my job...
but why am i still not happy...

...NG...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

back to work ♥ 12:27 PM

woah...its been a week now....
alhamdulilah...i spend it well with my family...
during this fasting month...

thanx to fiza again...for doing my nite shift...
which i had to do last minute...
on my leave days...

thinking of going back to work....
its great...& sad to0...
coz i know i cant celebrate raye with my family...

like we use to...
due to work scedules...
& im hoping to get at least an off day during raye...

checklist is yet to be submitted...
NO's is already asking why there's still empty components...

tmr will insha-allah get it all sign...
but still yet to know...
it could be busy...it could be chaotic...

but still i think its better that im going back...
i need to work...i cant be at home for long...
would definately forget what to do...

when i was cleaning up my place...
i saw all my O level books...

how am i suppose to go back to them when my mind is ready set...

its already set thinking that i wont touch them anymore...
now because of my low grades in ITE...

i have to think twice...

i'm definately not up to it...
but now...do i have a choice?

going to poly its what my parents want...

but what do i want?
it is better to upgrade...

but the stress...the responsibility is HUGE...

u know from an AN to a SN...
is no big fun...

its like stepping into a difficult world...

where medicines are involve...

where tones of reports are to be done...

where theories change now & then...

where educating the families are given...

where responsibilities is all on you...

where you have to be good & be extra outstanding to upgrade further...

this is what i see as a SN...the stress they go through...i know...i see them...

but some may see as bigger cash...
some may see as bigger opportunity to go further...

some may see as at least u have respect from the rest...

some may see as its a goner if u just stay as an AN...

some just cant see that their old friends from school is on a higher post...

yet these are just the things that is stuck in my head...

is being an AN for life that bad?

they still got a job...
but i see it as a good thing...

coz...i just wanna live my life...

go back home to my family...
not bothered with the things at work...

though i know i will be going through the same routine...

like for the next few years down the road...
but is it that BAD as what people say...

maybe because some say we gain better respect if we upgrade...

honestly...for now...
i lovee my job...

i lovee the fact that i can help the patient more...

rather than typing or writing my report away...
or busy giving out medicines...

or just plainly doing thier work...

i'm not saying that being SN is a nono...
its just some points of view...

from me...

yet im still thinking...
my career...
my family...
my life...

...NG...

Thursday, September 13, 2007

woah...a loong week holday... ♥ 7:01 AM

its gonna be a lonng leave for me...

spend it well for the 1st few dayz...

on the 11...had mac for breakfast...

breakfast delivery!! hehe...:p

cant wait to meet up that special someone...
been waiting for a month...
& it was the day to meet up...:)

slept for a while...
then woke up & got ready...
snap some pics...

just cant stop smilling...coz im finally gonna meet him after a month...:)

so0 long story short...i had a great time...
journey to plaza sing...vivo...& at last clarke quay...
had fun all the way...

miss him lots...
triple lotss...
his jokes...& crazynezz...that just cracks me up...

never ending laughter...
together...forever...
insha-allah...

12 sept...that was yesterday...
last min planning outing with my dearie buddy!!
RACHEL!!!!

miss her ever so0 much!!
though it was just for a few hours...
manage to catch up on things...

as always...destination will be at cityhall...
suntec...marina...
but due to time constrain...didnt went to esplanade...

sorie dear...next time ya!!
& guess wat i bought for only $19.90....

my WHITE SHOE!!! at last...just lovee it...esp the box...hehehe:p

after chit-chatting...went back home...

this time we were really rushing coz i had to be home fast...

for terawih prayers...

& yes...ramadan is here!!...

take this opportunity to do good...
& stop doing all our bad habits...

to my frenz who smoke...
this is a good time to stop...:)

go to this webby happeepill.com...
evil bunny has put up some points about this special month...

about the good deeds & all...
just click on my link...prince happiness...

wishing my every muslim frens...

SELAMAT BERPUASA...

...NG...

Friday, September 7, 2007

beautiful sight ♥ 11:51 AM

it was pouring outside...

a beautiful sight...

alot of things happen...

good & bad...

... ... ...

i was teary that day at work...

because that was the day which i finally...

had my 1st hand experience with CODE BLUE...

i had to activate it...on my night duty...

yes...i was the one...in the room alone...

doing my own things...& i discover it...

my heart was pounding real fast...

it was 5 in the morning...

i didnt want to believe it...

but as i realise that all the leads were intact...

seriously...honestly...

even after i had went for the resus drill...

my mind went BLANK...

i call out for my SN...

press the code blue...

then i was clueless...

i was like a BLUR SOTONG...

START CPR...

START BAGGING...

E-TROLLEY...

SUCTIONING...

i just stood there...

when there was enough SN & DOC inside...

my SN ask me to go out...

i knew i was not doing anything...so0 i went out...

though i manage to do a cycle of CPR...

that was when my tears just stream down my face...

i just wanted to leave the ward at that moment of time...

my dear SSN saw me...

she came to me & said "good work...dont worry...u did good..."

alhamdulilah...my patient was revived...

& that was not the end...

the cycle of this incident continues for the whole week...

that was real hectic...admission...code blue...last office...

not that i hate it...its just my work...getting more experience...

im gonna miss alot during my leave...that is next week...

... ... ... ...

thanx...yet again...i dont know if u are still reading my blog...
time is super precious to me & u...
so0 far...we've meet the expectation that we wanted...

a month...:)
though there are still things...
just those things...that we need to talk about...

i know i haven't been strong...
not that strong yet...
still going through it all slowly...

coz im taking it on my own pace...

...NG...